Monday, February 20, 2006

Me-Me #58 -- I Found That Weight You Lost

Welcome to another installment of, "Come ON -- tell me the WHOLE story!" otherwise known as "I love to talk about myself", and in a pinch can be called Me-Me Monday. The object of the game is to refer to your 101 Things About Me list, pick one of your "things" and tell the whole sordid tale. If you're new and you want to grab this image for your post, see the instructions at the end of my post.

58. Over the course of my life I've lost the same 50lbs.

I've jumped ahead to #58 because it reflects a journey I'm once again embarking: my struggles with weight.

I wish I could go back to the beginning and tell you when my struggles with weight began. But I can't really remember a time when I wasn't dealing with this issue. I have childhood memories of trying to hide something inside a baggy sweatshirt, being chided by my father for taking an extra pat of butter, refusing to wear shorts in 90 degree heat.

I've never owned a bikini.

I've never felt comfortable in my own skin.

I can remember the first diet. It had something to do with beets.
I can remember the next diet. It had something to do with faux dieticians.
I can remember praying away the pounds.
I can remember when Atkins was my savior.
Then it was low-fat.
Then it was Weight Watchers.

Let me just say that I'm a very successful dieter. When I set my mind to losing weight, I do it.

I'm just not a very successful "sticker."

At some point I bought into the idea that diets don't work.

Well, neither does NOT dieting.

So here I am again, on the verge of starting a very strict, very scary, regimine.

I picked up my debit card on Saturday and ordered an entire month's worth of food from Nutrisystem.

An entire month.

No turning back.

Am I scared? You bet!

But for most of my life, I've fought this battle of the bulge. I'm always tired of fighting, but I'm more tired of being tired. I'm tired of hating the way my clothes look. I'm tired of layering. I'm tired of wearing black. I'm tired of counting the "Xs" in front of the "Ls". I want to take my six 6 skirt BACK out of the back of my closet.

Yesterday I felt like dancing. I tried to do a pirouette, and my knee gave out.

In 8 more days I'll be 37. Three years after that I'll be 40.

I don't want to be 40 and still fighting my fat. Fighting gravity is bad enough.

And I don't think dehydrated mail-to-door food is going to save me.

But I have to do something to start the saving process. My knees want to dance.

If there's anything I've learned in my struggles to maintain a healthy weight, its that I never know which diet is going to be the last diet. I do know that there won't ever be a last battle, until the war is won. It's called hope, kids. And I've got it in spades.

So here's to losing that same 50 lbs again.

Let me know if you played so's I can give you that linky lovin!

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This is Funky, and that is all.