Saturday, May 28, 2005

Tagged Again! Damn, I'm a Popular Bitch

Seriously - I know I should moan and groan when I'm tagged for a meme, but (a) I like to talk about myself (b) I like knowing what a 'meme' is, and (c) it makes me feel like one of the cool kids. Anyhoo, Kim, the most bitch-ass mom I've ever encountered, tagged me for this bit of literary valium.

3 names I go by: Mom, Mommy, and "Hey-when-you-get-a-chance-can-you..."

Too many Fucking Kids!

3 screen names I've had: DivaTeacher, Wife_of_a_Wes_Freak, & LisaLu2U (I love pretending to be a dumbassed hick online)

3 physical things I like about myself: I have very healthy hair, big brown eyes, and massive tits.

3 parts of my heritage: German, Italian, and that's all, folks.

3 things I am wearing right now: Stupid-assed flowery capris, Joel's Dekuyper t-shirt...and that's it 'cause it's the end of the work day and I'm commando, baby.

Miss your shirt, bitch?

3 favorite bands/musical artists: No dammit...there are not 3 favorite bands. There are many. BUT just today I listened to Michael Buble', Rascal Flatts, and Bob Dylan.

3 favorite songs: Again, this is not possible. The three best songs I've heard all week though, are "Blessed" by Rachael Lampa, "Home" by Michael Buble', and "Your Body is a Wonderland" by my new, future third ex-husband John Mayer.

3 things I want in a relationship: It's okay to lie to me, but you'd better not get caught because the only thing I hate less than dishonesty is a bad liar that thinks I'm stupid enough to buy his bullshit. Sex - lots of sex. Hot monkey sex, sex in public places, porn-star sex, screaming and hanging from the rafters sex. If you don't tell me I'm beautiful when I get dressed up, you should probably not go to sleep any time soon.

3 physical things about the preferred sex that appeal to me: Eyes...gimme green eyes that look through me, and I'm good as gold. Abs that are just tone enough so that place below your hipbone (the dip) is visible...yeah, just like that, baby. Be funny man. You can have 1 & 2, but lack three, and you're dead to me.

3 favorite hobbies: Blogging, cards, photography.

3 Things I want to do badly right now: Kill the mosquito that is fucking up my down-time, eat an entire plate of cheese, drink another beer.

3 things that scare me: Spiders, clowns, and scales

3 of my everyday essentials: My smokes, my coffee & my M.A.C. pressed powder. Jack me up and turn my beautiful ass out into the world.

3 Careers you have considered or are considering: Teaching - yeah, I know I'm getting paid to go to school to teach, but the thought of getting my hands dirty raising other people's kids is so tempting that I'm actually looking forward to it. Singer/songwriter - yeah, I know I've been there and done that...but I never quite made it, so it's still unfulfilled. Educational psychologist - someone needs to get into the schools and straighten things out before all our kids are fucked beyond belief (and not in a good way, G.)

3 places you want to go on vacation: Greece, Sicily, Africa.

3 kids' names you like: Faye Annette - this gorgeous blonde in my mom's yearbook, Potter - actually makes me wish I could have one more kid. Doctor - see, that's for my retirement. I want a kid named Dr.

3 things you want to do before you die: Lose all my weight and keep it off permanantly. Have one fucking song...JUST ONE that I've written, get recorded by someone talented and famous. Live in a foreign country - preferably Italy - and adopt their culture, thereby denouncing mine.

3 ways I am stereotypically a boy: I hate to talk on the phone - hate it. Do not call me on the phone unless someone is dying. I have zero tolerance for catty behaviour and am often tempted to strangle the living shit out of most of the women I'm forced to spend more than a hour with. If you buy me a six pack and turn on a good boxing match, I will enter a self-induced coma.

3 ways I am stereotypically a girl: I love jewelry. If you didn't get the six-pack/boxing thing right, buy me something shiny. I'm a purse whore. I will fuck anyone for a high-end bag...and I said high end. Don't bring me that Liz Clairborne shit. I want Fendi, or Tods...and yes, I can tell the difference between the genuine article and a knock off, so don't try that shit with me unless you want to lose a testicle. I cry - I cry when people win American Idol, and I cry when people fall in love, or break up, or win the lottery.

3 celeb crushes: Kenney Chesney, Michael Buble, Angelina Jolie...for starters...

And that my friends, is the skinny. And now I get to tag the shit out of three people, and I choose...

MelodyAnn at Searchin' for a Rainbow because I probably know her answers, on-a-count-a she's kinda like me

Andre at When Life Gives You Lemons because I know he can take a tired ol' meme and make it super cool on-a-count-a he's WAY creative

Marianna at My Big Fat Greek Blog because she totally LOVES to blog, and will probably jump on this meme in a heartbeat.

Now dammit - get your ass back to the top of the page and read this, for real. I know you just skimmed down to the bottom...I KNOW you did. There's an ass-load of stuff for you to comment on.