Wednesday, June 29, 2005

By Request: Shoplifting

I'm not sure when the shoplifting bug got me, but I distinctly remember stealing stupid shit on several occassions during my early teen years. Sometimes I even pocketed stuff when I was with my mom. People assume a kid with her mom is being WATCHED, right? Bwah ha. They didn't know Gail.

We had a few days off school for some holiday or other, so a couple friends and I made plans to take the city bus to the mall for some shoplifting. Yes - I also remember that several of us were making points of bringing our booty to school and comparing our scores. I'd already become an expert at stealing Hello Kitty stuff from the mall, so why not the discount store across the street? I honestly can't remember the name of the retail outlet, but it was a Target of sorts (in fact, Target stands in its place to this day.)

Only one of my friends was "brave" (read, "stupid") enough to join me. We just went up and down the aisles, weaving back and forth through the cosmetics to grab and stash an item or two (the theory being if you're on the move, they won't catch on to you...ha!) When we were loaded up, we left the store.

It was kind of weird when this woman stopped me just outside the doors. I didn't think for a second that I'd been caught. I thought, "Maybe she's lost and needs directions. " I mean, she said, "Excuse me." When she asked me to step back inside the store I thought, "Am I being kidnapped?" All the time I had no idea I'd been busted. Then she showed me her store security badge. Dum dum DUM! I thought I'd reached the apex of humiliation when she guided us (with a hand FIRMLY on the shoulder) to the security office. I thought I'd reached the apex of fear when she called the police. Then she called Sarge. Oh god. I would much rather they arrest me, cart me off to jail, and then shoot me.

They made us dump the contents of our purses onto the desk. My friend the chicken had taken just under $20.00 worth of Bonnie Bell cosmetics. She was released to her mom and banned from the store. Me? Well, I have expensive tastes. I went for the high-end cosmetics and some lovely jewelry, totaling over $50.00.

Next: The Arrest (#1)