Tuesday, September 20, 2005

Sleep Angel, Sleep Angel

NOT on my list of 101 Things About Me is this little fact: I snore. I don't "cute" snore, and I don't "occassionally" snore. I snore like a man -- loud, obnoxious, and the second I fall asleep.

Now, I didn't always snore. I'm not sure why I snore now, but make no mistake, snore snore I do. My dearest LoveBug has tried to be a good and kind person; he has purchased ear plugs, but my snoring breaks the barrier. We bought a white noise machine, but my snoring reaches past the soothing sound of rain, interrupting the pattern of pitter-pat with freight trains of terror. I've tried homeopathic drops and sprays, and I've run through a mint's worth of nasal strips. NOTHING HELPS!

The other day I received a package in the mail. I was sooooooooo excited! I tore it open immediately and found this:

It's a sleep angel. You wear it. To bed. Nightly.

Do you see now that my sex life is O.V.E.R? How UNHOT is this?

According to the Internet, I'm supposed to look like this when I'm getting ready to fall asleep:
Not like this:

I'd say, "Fuck me, I'm screwed" but I have a feeling that's the furthest thing from truth that could be said right now.