Monday, January 23, 2006

Me-Me #16 -- Not Good Decisions

Welcome to another installment of, "Come ON -- tell me the WHOLE story!" otherwise known as "I love to talk about myself", and in a pinch can be called Me-Me Monday. The object of the game is to refer to your 101 Things About Me list, pick one of your "things" and tell the whole sordid tale. If you're new and you want to grab this image for your post, see the instructions at the end of my post.

16. 21 year old girls are not good decision makers.

Sigh -- I feel like I'm picking on the ex this month. It's so not my intention. But seeing as I haven't revised my 101 Things List, I guess I'll just roll with it. Sorry, Cory.

I think I pretty much touched on some of the things that led me into my first marriage. What I didn't touch on specifically were all the stupid decisions I made in that 21st year of my life. I say they're stupid because they were made with no thought as to how they would affect the people around me, or myself for that matter.

Not Good Decision #1: Better Than Being Single

I chased a guy that didn't really want to be chased.
He was the rebound guy. He was the guy that gave my ex-boyfriend the alibi he needed to cheat on me in the first place. He admitted he did it so that he could be that rebound guy. Any self-respecting woman would have given him the boot. I just kept chasing him.

Not Good Decision #2: The Girl From Planet Denial

I had sex without any form of protection outside of a pill that I kept forgetting to take.

Not Good Decision #3: Honestly, I Just Like Big Sweaters

When I realized I was pregnant, I told no one. Not one single soul.

Not Good Decision #4: It Takes A Denny's to Raise a Fetus

I kept up the "not pregnant" charade for 8.5 months. During this time, my best friend Tony took me to dinner every night after he got off work. I'm surprised my daughter doesn't look like a grilled cheese sandwich.

Not Good Decision #5: I Said "Yes"

When I finally broke down and told Cory that I was pregnant he said (and yes, I quote -- a girl does NOT forget these things), "Well, I was going to go to the farm on Tuesday, but I guess we're getting married." Is this the proposal a little girl dreams of? I think not.

Not Good Decision #6: I Sold My Soul to the Company Store

I let Cory convince me to give up the lease on my apartment and move to a trailor in the country... out of town...that my future in-laws would purchase... and we would be in debt to them for...right..out.of.the.gate.

Not Good Decision #7: Location, Location, Location

The night before the wedding I recall this me-to-me conversation:

What are you doing?
I guess I'm getting married.
Well, I guess because I have to.
Because...look, if it doesn't work out, I just get a divorce. It never hurts to try.

And see, this is the ultimate Not Good Decision because it DOES hurt to try -- it hurts the husband who tries but never succeeds at making you happy, it hurts the kids who got ten good years with two miserable parents, only to have the rug pulled out from under them, and it hurts the family and friends that you all divy up when you sign the papers and walk away.

And I'm not anti-divorce -- do not mistake my words. But if you buy a house on a fault line, and an earthquake takes it down to the ground, would you say that was a GOOD decision? If you said, "Well, if an earthquake comes, I'll just run for cover", who can you really blame? After all, if the foundation is cracked, you don't buy the house.

And just like Usher, these are my confessions.

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