Saturday, March 18, 2006


I think the hardest thing about raising your children MUST be surviving the teen years.

I'm looking at my daughter right now and what I see is visages of my baby mixed in with someone I realize I don't really know at all. I push past those incredibly long eyelashes into those windex-blue eyes and I recognize them from a long time ago. But the spirit behind those eyes is at times unrecognizable. I realize this is my fault.

I stopped blogging because I was failing as a mom. When you look at your children and find you do not know them, you have made a fatal turn in the road you pledged to drive the day they were born.

Because that road was abandoned, we had an accident. I let her take the wheel and she left the road and crashed into tree.

The call you never want to receive as a parent starts out like this:
"Good evening, this is Officer So-and-So. Are you the parent of X?"

That's why I left. I had to clean up the accident and teach her how to drive this road. I also had to teach myself again.

I know this figurative speak isn't really helping anyone figure out what exactly happened. Honestly, it's because I'm beyond focusing on her mistakes. We've spend a few weeks together focusing on what caused her to make the decisions that she made.

And I'm looking at her now, and I think I'm starting to get to know her again. And that's really the most important thing I can do. Whatever purpose I may have in this life, the most important thing is to raise my kids to go out into this world and be safe --- even when Mom isn't around to ground them when they get caught.

As for this blog, I can't tell you were it goes from here. Part of me itches to write. Part of me misses the social contact with friends I've made. But in these last two weeks I have gained so much... done so many important things with the time I've recaptured. I have taken walks with my husband, taken pictures with my soul, and giggled with my kids.

I don't know, quite honestly, if I have the time for this anymore... at least not the way it was before.

So for awhile, it may look quite strange around here. You may not see me daily... you may not see me weekly. You may, if you look, see a different person altogether.

And that's because I just realized that I don't recognize myself anymore either. And I need to get back on THAT road as well.

This is Funky, and that is all.