Monday, October 10, 2005

Me-Me Monday #5/Answers to Friday's Game

#5 My mom says I remind her of my dad. That's what is was, anyhow...

Fuck. I'm sick of talking about my dad. My mom says a lot of things. I think she believes them. I don't think they're all true. For one, I'm NOT fucking Croatian. I know it's my meme, and I should play, so I'm changing #5 on my list to fit the answers to Three Truths and a Lie.

So, what's the deal?

1. I lost my virginity a few months shy of my eighteenth birthday ONLY because I had taken one of those "chastity" pledges, and was freakin' scared as hell that I'd break it. So I broke it on purpose.

Well folks, this one is TRUE (and my new #5). I did indeed make one of those "pure for Jesus" pledges when I was probably fifteen or so. When I turned seventeen, I started getting letters and phone calls from my church-y friends, all crying because they'd "broken their promise to Jesus". I became consumed with this thought that I was gonna blow it, and then blow it! So yes, as neurotic as it seems, as hard as it is to fathom that a seventeen year old can be a virgin, this one is true. I actually tapped a twenty-year old guy named Kevin to be my first. All was going quite well until I muttered something about it BEING my first time. God love him, he put on the brakes. Ever noble (I still adore you, Kevin), he told me my first should be with someone I love. So what did I do? I picked Ben (someone I did not love, nor do I love to this day) to be my first. The only good and wise thing about this decision is that he is known throughout my hometown for having the smallest dick in the world. Pefect for popping cherries.

2. My first marriage broke up because I had an affair with the producer of my gospel album.

Scotty, HA! This one IS true. You think you're soooooooooooooooooo smart, doncha? An affair does NOT have to include sex (we had this conversation last week, didn't we?)The truth of the matter is that I DO have a gospel album, and I did fall madly in love with my producer. As the project progressed, we went from a semi-formal business relationship, to close friends, to, um, I dunno... but we did have feelings for each other, and short of one dick + one pussy = xxx, I consider it the love affair that led to the end of my marriage. Let me add that I did NOT leave my husband for my producer, however, the feelings that developed did open my eyes to all I was missing by being married to someone I had fallen out of love with.

3. When I was in high school, I stole lunch every single day and I never got caught.

Again, this one is TRUE. I suppose less of you would have picked this for a lie if I'd told you that my mother was the cashier in the cafeteria, huh? I never paid for a school lunch one single day of my high school life.

4. When pulled over for a traffic violation, I actually gave the answer "Cashmere Wrinkles" when the officer asked me if there was any reason why I wasn't wearing my seatbelt.

Garrison, you WIN! This is the lie. Come on' guys! I know this is funny as shit, but I really only said it in my brain. I would never smart off to a cop in Bedford, Indiana. How fucking stupid do I look?

If you played, let me know and you'll get your linky-poo.