Monday, May 22, 2006

And Then Come the Sleepless Nights

I used to never post twice in one day. If I had something I was dying to say, I'd go ahead and type it up, then save it for a day in the future when I had nothing at all to add to the blogosphere.

That was before I reclaimed my space (not My Space, though.)

So now I write when I want, and I write for no audience save the crowd of people running around in my brain.

And it's okay if you de-link me, or stop coming by.

Because I'm almost certifiable now, and the last thing I need is an audience.

Last night LoveBug took me out. Actually, he took me out Friday night too, while the kids were doing their various and assorteds. But last night CadiBug decided it was time to say good-bye to her friends. Having another free evening with nothing to do but mope, it seemed better to go blow off some steam. We had a wonderful dinner, then we played pool -- we play badly, but it's always so much fun to see which one of us sucks the least. For the record, I won two out of five games. Yeah... I suck more.

I had a couple beers, which may seem light, but since I don't drink much these days, one is just enough to get the buzz on. We came home after picking up the kids from their various and assorteds, and then participated in some extracurricular activities behind locked doors.

You'd think I would have been good and ready for some serious slumber, but for the third night in a row, I layed awake and stared at the ceiling.

So tonight I decided to beat the insomnia by NOT EVEN TRYING to sleep. So there. Hmpfh.

And I've got some things on my mind, flying through my fingers.

1. You think this is a safe place? You're wrong. Through no fault of your own, just by being YOU, you can be despised to the point of being harmed. Take every threat seriously. Never post too much information about who you are and where you live/work/play, etc... Playing nice does not mean that others will play fair. You think I'm kidding? Not even close. This Internet is a scary place, my friends. You might be going along, minding your own business, expressing your thoughts and releasing your creativity... and BAM, you're facing unemployment. Ask Dooce. Ask Scotty. Go Google your name and see where it leads. Check the links in your profile. How about the IM information for Yahoo, MSN, AOL, etc...? I was IMing with a bloggy friend a few months ago, and at my urging she started searching out information on me. Within ten minutes, using a database she had from an old job, she knew my social security number, the phone number and address for my husband's business, my home address and phone number... and she stopped once she told me what my husband's middle name is. Listen, I'm serious. We're not all friends here, kids. We're not all honest, or kind, or moral. You can't keep people from hating you. You can protect yourself from their wrath.

2. When your daughter does a Meme on her My Space and next to "Your Mother" she answers, "immature", what exactly does that MEAN? Because it sounds like an insult! It sounds like she's mocking me for crying, or for "over reacting" to her mishaps. Is it just a kid being a know it all? WTF does that mean?!?

3. If you pull into the driveway just in time to see your son sailing off the roof on his skateboard and landing on his ass, how exactly do you punish him while laughing your own ass off? Later, when he complains that his tailbone hurts, do you give him some sympathy, or some Tylenol? Do you then make a list of everything he's not supposed to do, just in case he doesn't reason like a normal human being?

4. If you are so stressed out that you can only force yourself to consume about 400 calories a day, while burning off approximately 300 calories per day at the gym, does it make any sense at all that in a week's time you would only lose 2/10 of a pound? Yeah, I didn't think so either, but what the hell!!!

5. If your stepdaughter suddenly grows boobs that rival those of any South Beach milf, is it stepping over the line to take her out and buy her a better bra than her mom buys her? Isn't it every woman's right to rest their puppies in something supportive and flattering? Why does Walmart even SELL bras? Is it a joke? A conspiracy? A mockery of middle America?

6. If your husband is lying in bed, warm and naked, and sleeping soundly, shouldn't that be enough incentive to make you rest your head beneath his collar bone and try to meet the sleepy side of reality?

Number six is the only one that makes sense right now. I'll let you know how that all works out.

This is Funky, and that is all.