Monday, May 29, 2006

New Day Dawning

I forced myself to sleep last night with the help of a hefty dose of Tylenol P.M. Had I not aided that sweet release, I may very well have been up all night. I have the kind of brain that is wired for solutions. It recalls every word, every action, and every nuance, then divides them into catagories and sorts through them for hidden agendas. After rearranging them like colored dots on a rubix cube, it seeks to find a solution wherein all dots meet up with their kind.

What I've never learned is that some things can't be solved by forcing them. I can't start my Mustang with my husband's Explorer key. Try as I might, a banana will not fit into a ziplock bag. And no matter what I do or say, I cannot make a teenager do what I want her to do.

I'm not sure what my brain did last night under the influece of that sleep aide, but I did wake up this morning with the realization that moving on and giving up mean pretty much just that. And I can't really do one without doing the other. So I listened to Wreck of the Day by Anna Nalick about thirty times while drinking my coffee, looked out the open garage door into the sunlight of a new day, and made a promise to myself that, "If this is giving up, then I'm giving up."

Loving these little people means accepting the fact that they MUST forge their independence from you in order to grow into big people. Nothing I say, nothing I do, nothing I conspire will change the fact that my little person wants to grow up, wants to seek out the next great adventure of life, wants to succeed on her own. And honestly, if she doesn't already know how much I love her, nothing I say or do now will have any consequence other than conflict.

This is my new day. I can sit here and seek out a solution, or I can stop trying to stuff a banana into a zip lock bag and just eat it. It's a lot like food porn, but not really.

In other news:
We leave for our 7-day cruise in just a few short days. Though the docking isn't until Saturday, we're spending the night near the port on Friday and taking the shuttle over to the boat the next day. I managed to shed almost 34 pounds since February 24th, so I'm looking forward to sassing around the boat with my new body and my new clothes. Honest to goodness, I bought just the cutest little outfits. I am SO ready for my close-up!

This is Funky, and that is all.