Friday, December 16, 2005

The Wisdom of Funky Bloggers -- Issue 3


There's a theme to this week's collection of Funky Wisdom from Blogvillia -- it's called REGRESS. Pinch your cheeks toward your mouth and make a kissy face ala Better Off Dead and say "REGRESSION". Good job -- now you're ready to learn, Grasshoppers.


Aren't you sick of all those young, tight, fresh tarts that run around your workplace? Yes you are, dammit. Don't lie. It's not just me, right?

I'm here to tell you that you don't HAVE to hate them anymore. You should pity them, pity them I say. Benjamin runs a GREAT blog called Something to Be, and each day he gives you marching orders, or Something to Be.

You are, in so, so many ways, a thousand miles from where you started. Today, take note of the fact that you're grown...Relish it or regret it, but today you're going to be grown.

Don't look at those fashion-school drop-outs and cringe. Don't wish for your wrinkles to smooth out and your gray hairs to disappear. Remember further back than 20, than 16... remember five.

Remember playing dress-up in your mom's heels (boys included, don't lie). Remember carrying around your dad's briefcase. Remember wanting to be grown. Why did you want to grow-up so badly back then? Remember why, then BE THAT TOO.

I'm afraid of clowns. I can't tell you why because I don't know, but I'm pretty sure that Stephen King movie combined with images of John Wayne Gacy didn't help matters much. But fear is a natural part of the human condition. The SOURCE of that fear is worth battling, though.

When I was a kid I wasn't scared of the dark or high places, I was scared that my dad would leave my mom, and he did. It's strange how you can fear something and then once it happens, it either stops being scary or it changes you forever - makes you tough in ways you never anticipated...When you are older most fears come from something you've already experienced, not the unknown. Your heart gets broken so you become afraid to love again, you lose your job and it makes you scared of failing, you lose a friend and suddenly you're terrified no one likes you.

Listen to Networkchic, author of Some Words. You know what the real difference is, between childhood fear and grown-up fear? Faith and Failure. I think it's far more admirable to be afraid of what you haven't experienced, than to be afraid of fucking up again. So stop worrying about drinking too much at the Christmas party, and focus on what those dust bunnies under the bed are producing while you sleep.

Finally -- look around your house or your office, or your car (you do blog while commuting, right?) NASTY! Am I right? Of course I'm right. It's the day after HNT -- you didn't do shit for housework last night and you know it. Well, here's the thing: YOU DON'T HAVE TO.

Dear Laundry Fairy:

I know that of all the household fairies you are perhaps the busiest, but I could really use your help...And if you could swing it, please bring Dishes Fairy, Bathroom Fairy and Dust Bunny Fairy along for the ride.

Did you catch that? According to Vince at Welcome to My Truth, there are FAIRIES and they DO YOUR HOUSEWORK!

So the theme this week is to get in touch with your inner child. Go forth with all the anticipation of a thousand tomorrows, refuse to be bridle by your past failures, and most importantly, believe in fairies.

Seriously, I know a few and they're very entertaining and good with a broom.

This is Funky, and that is all.