Saturday, December 18, 2004

So let me see... 2+2 = 4...

...and there are 4 weeks in a month... and there are 4 bedrooms in my house... oh, and I still have a 4.0! Yeppers... grades are in and congratulatory wishes are now being accepted. Let the Winter Break commence!

Other than that, I'm still sick, Ty's still sick, Alyss' test results still aren't back and (drumroll please) Caty resprained her ankle in PE yesterday so I get the pleasure of sitting in the ER for three hours today.

And that, my friends, is the ups and downs of Saturday.

Friday, December 17, 2004

So This is Christmas

Seriously, it's barely a week away. How is it that we know an event is forthcoming, and yet year after year we find ourselves rushing out at the very last minute to meet the deadline? Do you guys remember the Furby? I remember standing in the freezing cold outside the Bedford Walmart the day after Thanksgiving. Rumor had it, they had received a shipment of the little buggers, and both my kids wanted one. It was madness - much like my Beanie Baby days where I even skipped singing at church to purchase the latests and hottest creation. Once the doors opened it was every man for himself. I vowed never to do that again, and I haven't... but I may have to this year. My kid wants this CSI thing that is impossible to find... Why do retailers and manufacturers go out of their way to understock and underproduce the very thing they know kids want? GRRRRR

Oh, so I took my last final for the semester last night. Now I get to chew on my nails and await my grades. Please, don't do the "Oh yeah, right, you always get A's" thing... this was such a tough semester for me... the courses weren't tough, my attitude was. I experienced perhaps the worst case of role-overload in my life. Between school, work, kids, pets, etc... I shut down several times over the course of the last 18weeks. There were days and nights and entire weekends where I just could not bring myself to do one single task on my enormous to-do list. I barely studied for my finals, and that is SO not good. I did go into them with A's, but if I don't do well on them, it's bye-bye 4.0. I suppose letting go of perfectionism is a good thing, but it should be an active choice, not a passive consequence. I'll of course update as soon as grades are posted.

Work is getting wicked weird. We have a new Super and she has entered our organization carrying a very big BOOM STICK. Work has it that she is cleaning house, kicking ass, and taking names. Me? I'm sOOOOOO far down the totum pole that I feel secure. Worst case scenerio is that she looks at my title and says, "Um... we're paying you too much to sit behind a desk. Get in the classroom." However, much to my surprise, I'm actually enjoying my job these days. I still miss PC being there, but the upshot is that I don't socialize near as much so I get way more done. I'm organized there... I have this little universe built up around my desk with photos and inspirational souveniers and knickknacks, and of course a coffee pot, so I don't really mind being in my self-imposed cubby for 8hrs. I rather enjoy it. I was sooooooooo sick yesterday, but I still wanted to go do some work... I'm home today because I requested a personal day, and even though I'm still feeling crappy, I kind of wish I were working instead of staring down Mt. Laundry and the Great Precipace of Dirt. Oh, back to wicked weird... so rumor has it that our department is on her hit list, and you can see the upper level bozos getting very skiddish... makes for interesting smoke-breaks, I can tell ya that!

So okay, that really is about all there is. I'm going to go goof off now... I've earned it. Seacrest Out (that cracks me up every time....)

Tuesday, December 07, 2004

I'd like to say something clever

I'd like to same something clever, but I'm tapped out. I just finished my term paper for Human Development... 3500 words later and I can't even think about being clever or insightful or witty. Mostly what I do from this point until I recharge is order pizza and watch re-runs of CSI with Cady.
Oh... and then House M.D. comes on tonight. Woot. It's party time.

Okay, so the party is over. It's something like midnight and I should be sound asleep, but I toy with insomnia now and then. I think at times that maybe my insomnia is self-induced. What am I afraid of? I don't have bad dreams, so I shouldn't be so hesistant to fall asleep. The though of crawling under the covers sounds great... maybe it's the part about trying to actually FALL asleep that gets me... that keeps me up so late at night. I miss Michael being here to make me go night-night now. Here is irony: Michael is in Indiana this week... Indianpolis to be exact. The company he reps for is based in Jasper so the big sales meeting is in big ol' Indy. He called last night and said he was looking out his hotel window at the monument-turned-Christmas-Tree... and yeah, that sort of did make me homesick. I don't envy him - having to sit in a convention room all day and listen to executives babble mindlessly about how GREAT the company is, and it would be greater still "if only blah blah blah." There is something I dearly love about my job... very few meetings, AND the bonus is that after two years I have learned to selectively tune out everyone around me. My boss? Charlie Brown's teacher. My other boss? Charlie Brown's teacher. The myriad of people who all act like they are my boss? Wa wa wa wa wa waaaaaaaaa. My husband called me from Indy again tonight and asked me how my day was. I had nothing to report except a distinct recollection of boredom. It was a boring day. I shredded fourteen bags of student records. Woot. Some days fly by... others drag like my ass on Sunday morning.

So I wanted to share something with you. I e-mailed my prof. yesterday to clarify the requirements for the term paper. It was suggested that we go for 2000 words. As previously mentioned, I over-shot the hoop. No matter though - I was encouraged to write as much as I wanted. In addition, I received another piece of encouragement. Here is the text of my professor's e-mail (background: it's an Internet class, so I've never actually met her, though this is my second course with her)
"Make it as long as you want. I'm looking forward to reading it. Again, I have to tell you what I said last time I had the pleasure of your presence in my class: you are an incredibly special student. Your charisma is such that it transcends cyberspace. I've truly never met anyone with such strength of personality that comes through even in e-mails! And I haven't even mentioned intelligence, articulation, insight...I hope someday that you'll surprise me and come meet me in person.

You know, I have re-read that a dozen times since last night. It's not that I love it when people say nice things to me (well, of course I do) but something more... some form of something... remember that drone I made about being destined for greatness? I kind of think I'm more likely to be destined for mediocrity... but maybe there is something to that. After all, isn't it easier to be a big fish in a small pond, then try to swim with the sharks?

I'm looking for something more out of this blogging thing. I want to really start writing more than updates and howdy-do rants. Maybe what I'm trying to say is that I'm thinking maybe I should be the writer my mother always told me I was.

Right now I think I should be the girl under the covers. G'night all. Sweet everythings.

Saturday, December 04, 2004

Here's my Jackson! He's named after the best burger joint in the world... Jackson Hole in New York. I not only shot this myself, but I actually used photoshop to touch it up and remove a string from one of Michael's sweatpants. Mike was cleaning out his drawers and left the room for a moment. The minute he did, Jackson hopped right in the open drawer and made himself comfortable. This pic reminds me that there are opportunities all around us for exploration, and no matter where we find ourselves, we should do our very best to make ourselves at home, and make no apologies for doing so.
It's been a good week, though I wouldn't have predicted that last weekend. The break was so wonderful, and I wasn't looking forward to returning to the stressful routine I've grown accustomed to. However, I was surprised to find that I jumped right back in it. I did okay with PC being gone. Of course she's my friend and I often miss her presence in the office, but I keep so busy that I don't have time to dwell on it. My productivity is maximized now, and it feels good to accomplish so much in an eight-hour day. I was asked to attend a meeting this week and give a brief presentation. I had about 24hrs to prepare for it, but I decided to maximize the opportunity. I developed some packets of information and went about it as professionally as possible. My boss left me a note of praise for my preparation and professionalism after the fact. It probably made my week! So Friday I was taking a short break with one of my co-workers who I often discuss philosophy with. I found myself saying, "I feel like I'm in a good place right now." It rang so true, and felt so good to feel that way. Whether it's the Lexies or life in general, I realized that my truest calling is to take joy from what I have and not focus on what life could be "if only..." Italy will always be there, and maybe one day I will be there again. School is tough, but it's not forever. The simple things, like the awesome sunset I witnessed yesterday are fleeting... the sound of my kids laughing... the comfort of the dark with my husband sleeping next to me... the sound of my puppy gentling snoring at my feet... when I can take the time to truly appreciate the goodness of life, I find that I'm in a good place.
You guys... go find your good place today. Look around you at the creature comforts, the smile of your loved ones, or the stimulation of a good read... stand in the sun and let it warm your face... put on your favorite fat-pants and curl up under a blanket... sing in the shower... do something for yourself today. Feed your soul and let it energize you. Life happens RIGHT NOW... not yesterday or tomorrow. When you reach the end, I want you to be able to say that you lived... not functioned...
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